⭐️ No Awkward Outreach: A 7‑Step Network Reset That Works

If you hit pause this summer — to rest, recalibrate, boost your creativity, or simply to give yourself some space to juggle real life — you’re not alone. I took a short break myself to research and think more deeply about the stories and strategies I want to bring you on She Said/She Said this fall. I’m excited about it all, but more on that later. The upside of a pause is perspective. The downside? Momentum can slow (temporarily), and the idea of reconnecting and reaching back out to connections can feel well, weird. But it doesn’t have to. 

Bottom line: reconnection doesn’t have to be awkward. With a little intention and a simple system, like the one I’m sharing in this article, it can feel generous, energizing, and surprisingly efficient. In the spirit of intentional iteration—small steps that compound—here’s a seven‑step framework I use to restart my network after a break.

1) Make a list (but not a perfect one)

Perfection stalls progress. Instead of a massive spreadsheet, create a list of 10–30 names: people you know, would like to know better, or have been meaning to follow up with. Jot down: name, how you know them, last touchpoint, and a quick “why now.” That’s it. Think of this as your Minimum Viable List — enough to get you going without creating a new admin project.

Pro tip: Having trouble generating your list? Don’t rely on recall. Do a quick sweep of your calendar, emails, messages, and social activity to jog your memory. I also try to keep a running list of folks to connect with in an app on my phone so I pull from that list as well. 

2) Segment so you can be specific

All relationships aren’t the same, so your approach shouldn’t be either. I use three buckets:

• Allies / close contacts: People you know well.

• Dormant ties (6–18 months): Not recent, but with genuine connection or shared context, or someone you’ve collaborated with in the past.

• Aspirational connections: Weaker ties or new introductions you want to nurture or foster.

Segmentation helps you set the right tone and a realistic next step. It also prevents generic messaging, which is the quickest path to silence.

3) Lead with “Give First”

The most reliable way to avoid awkwardness is to make your note about the other person. What could be useful, encouraging, or additive to their world right now?

A few “give‑first” ideas:

• Share a relevant resource with one line on why it matters to them.

• Offer a short intro (“Would it help to meet X who’s tackling something similar?”).

• Be a quick sounding board for a decision they mentioned.

• Follow up on something she posted on social media with an idea that she might find helpful.

• Send a sincere, specific encouragement about her work.

Reciprocal relationships are the stickiest relationships. When your mindset is “What can I contribute here?” you naturally craft warmer, clearer outreach. (I often think of Mother Teresa’s “start where you are” wisdom that Jim Towey shared with me this past season she said/she said podcast: one note, one introduction, one small act can spark lasting impact.)

4) Give yourself a cadence: the 3×5 rule

Consistency compounds. I like the 3×5 rule: three touches per day, five days per week. A “touch” can be a DM, email, text, or quick voice note—whatever suits the relationship. Block 20 minutes on your calendar and treat it like a meeting with yourself.

Why it works:

• It’s small enough to start today.

• It keeps you from overthinking (or over‑explaining).

• It creates momentum you can actually feel by the end of the week.

Pro tip: Pre‑decide your three names the night before or even for the week ahead. Reducing decision friction is half the battle.

5) Share what you’re working on (briefly)

People can’t help you—or connect you—if they don’t know what you’re focused on. Add one or two lines about your current priorities: a project, a theme, a problem you’re exploring this fall. Keep it conversational and concrete, not salesy. Specifics create easy “hooks” for the other person to respond to:

• “I’m interviewing leaders about how they navigate mid‑career pivots.”

• “I’m building a small roundtable for women leading first‑time teams.”

• “I’m researching how small habits impact influence at work.”

This isn’t a pitch; it’s context. You’re giving them a window into where collaboration or mutual benefit might emerge.

6) Skip the apologies

This is a hard one, especially for high‑empathy communicators. But opening with a long apology drains energy and shifts attention to the gap rather than the connection. Most likely, you don’t need it. Try a clean, forward‑looking opener instead:

• “I’ve been thinking about your [project/idea] and wanted to share something that might help.”

• “I loved your recent post about X. It sparked a thought…”

• “As I map out fall projects, I thought of you and wanted to check in.”

Start where you are. Move toward the conversation you want to have.

7) Follow up and close loops

The fastest way to turn momentum into an actual relationship is to book a small next step: a 20‑minute Zoom, a quick call, or coffee if you’re local. Afterward, send a three‑line recap with any promised links, and make one micro‑commitment (“I’ll introduce you to Sam by Friday”). Closing loops builds trust—and trust is the foundation of influence. 

A one‑week jump‑start plan

If you like structure, here’s a simple week to get you rolling:

• Monday: Warm‑up. Leave five thoughtful comments or replies where you already engage (LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook).

• Tuesday: Send three give‑first messages to Allies.

• Wednesday: Send three give‑first messages to Dormant ties.

• Thursday: Reach out to two Aspirational connections with a brief, specific note.

• Friday: Book two short chats for next week and send two gratitude notes to people who helped you recently.

Repeat next week with fresh names. You’ll be surprised how quickly your influence builds and the opportunities mount! Be sure to keep track of your progress! 

A few lines you can steal

• Give‑first: you might say: “Your post about onboarding stuck with me. This template has saved me hours. I’m happy to share if helpful.”

• Context + invite: “I’m focused on [topic] this fall and thought of you. I remember that project you led a few years ago that was so successful. If a 20‑minute swap would be useful, I’d love to compare notes.”

• After the chat: “Quick recap + two links we discussed. I’ll intro you to x by Friday; would you send me the case study you mentioned?”

Use these as scaffolding and add one sentence that personalizes your note: a detail from their work, a milestone, a challenge they named. That 10% personalization does 90% of the work.

Reconnection isn’t about collecting business cards or checking boxes. It’s about choosing to reinvest in relationships, and doing so with generosity, clarity, and a bias for small action. When we “start where we are” and practice a simple cadence, we don’t just rebuild momentum; we build influence that lasts.

If you try the 3×5 cadence this week, I’d love to hear how it goes. Please share your thoughts and any tips that work well for you in the comments. I’d love to hear from you! 

Here’s to a fall of meaningful, generous reconnection.